You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
