Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
