Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
