Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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