I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need to sanitize my soul.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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