Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
