Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
