he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
