SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
