it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
