I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
