She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
