Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
