I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
