so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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