i would punch a child for taco bell
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
