I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
