I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
