Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
