please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
