her facebook's as public as her vagina
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
