is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
