new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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