did you get engaged???
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
