I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hippo gnu deer
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
