Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
