So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
