just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
