I must be too annoying 4 u.
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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