So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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