why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
