My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
