I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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