I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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