I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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