You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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