I just cut my nipple shaving
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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