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So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
