She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
