A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
