my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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