based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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