Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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