it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
