i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You're like the curious george of whores
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
