do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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