So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I enjoy the company of your penis
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
