The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
