Jerry, you need to find god
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
