You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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