yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
