Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
